


when every promise don't work out that way

by Highsmith (quimtessence)



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Character Study, Friendship, Gen, Memory, Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25992580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quimtessence/pseuds/Highsmith
Summary: "You should go." And before Nile can askgo where, Joe's mouth inches into a smile around, "See your family again."
Relationships: Nile Freeman & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani
Comments: 32
Kudos: 141





	when every promise don't work out that way

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Sandcastles" by Beyoncé.

They head to Lower Saxony next because Joe and Nicky have an old contact there they claim Copley should meet if they're to effectively work together. The Interrail system is, frankly, quite amazing from where Nile's sitting, which is a first-class seat on a Thalys heading towards Amsterdam on their way to Hamburg. It's beyond obvious it's not a luxury they indulge in often, therefore Nile feels less weird about it as she charges the laptop they give her to browse Instagram using the excellent Wi-Fi in the carriage.

She shouldn't go to his account, she knows that, but once the first picture of her and her brother together loads, smiling widely, the edge of his arm in the left-hand corner from holding the camera up, she can't bring herself to regret it. She doesn't bother clicking around, doesn't need it, but she should have known that staring with undoubtedly glazed eyes at her screen for who knows how long would bring someone else closer, and that someone turns out to be Joe, in a clean blue shirt that's too tight around the shoulders and chest, but comfortable-looking and just plain comforting to look at.

He takes the seat next to hers and peeks only for a moment at her laptop screen before locking eyes with her and giving her the sort of pitying look she never thought she'd ever receive in her life. But it's not unkind. Never _that_. Never from Joe.

He breathes in deeply before saying, "You should go." And before Nile can ask _go where_ , Joe's mouth inches into a smile around, "See your family again." His eyes don't crinkle at the edges as they often do when he smiles, instead shining with something warm she can't quite name.

Her stomach swallows her up whole, almost, seemingly. As if she might throw up any second, she breathes evenly, calming her internal organs as best she can.

He sighs then. Shakes his head while Nile's feels as if it might explode from all the possibilities and false hopes. "Memory can be a fickle thing."

"You mean over time?" she tries. She doesn't know what conversation she's ended up in, but wants to keep it going for as long as she can.

But Joe does a sort of half-laugh that's not funny or carefree in the least, not like the ones which accompany his little quips and dad jokes and sarcastic asides which have the entire team instinctively smiling. This is a world-weary laugh carrying centuries in every decibel.

"I don't remember my father anymore." Nile doesn't know what she's supposed to say to this, so she doesn't say anything at all, allowing him to continue at his own pace.

She knows Nicky is sitting with Copley two seats behind them, while Andy has gone in search of the Restaurant Carriage. She supposes they could get overheard by whoever else is sitting nearby, but nobody seems to be within hearing distance, and, besides, Joe's always soft-spoken, his voice barely carrying unless he intends it to.

Eventually, he continues. "He's been bones and dust for nine centuries now, so perhaps I shouldn't be able to, but I wonder that I cannot." His eyes are now tracking whatever countryside or town is rushing outside of Nile's window. "And I have tried to remember him, to recall the timbre of his voice or the length of his fingers oftentimes stained with ink from his miniatures my mother never knew about. I cannot." His eyes dart back to hers, and the look weighs heavily enough it feels as if she's been caught staring when she shouldn't instead of part of a conversation she was drawn into.

"Joe—"

"I'm not saying it won't be painful, or dangerous. Both for you and for us. But memory is fickle when you're grasping around the too-bright room of your mind, blinded at every step. Make your goodbyes and remember them as they want you to remember them."

Before she can even make an attempt at a reply, Nicky walks past them, shooting them a look Joe catches and returns with his own warm one. Then he stands to follow, throwing her the kindest smile yet over the crest of his shoulder, which both floors her and makes her insides melt pleasantly, the flicker of hope now lit somewhere in her midsection.

She'll bring it up later with everyone else, and perhaps Andy won't like it, but Nile likes the idea of building a memory out of scratch to carry her through the centuries.

**Author's Note:**

> This is VERY different for me, at least lately, but I hope you like it! As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Tumblr: [rhubarbdreams](https://rhubarbdreams.tumblr.com/)


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